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July 31: Bleach spots

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 Sometime in there, I thought it would be fun to put some streaks in my hair. I was going to dye it jet black and then put in some lemon yellow bits. Black and yellow has always been my favourite colour combination and I thought it would be a cool look to complement me as I navigated my mid 20s. Only part of it worked. I succeeded in dying my hair jet black - it was so black that it had a blue sheen like Veronica Lodge's always does in the Archie strips - but the yellow streaks just made part of my hair look like it had been dipped in lemon juice. I complained about it to a professional stylist, who told me I had to bleach my hair first. She offered to do it for me for about $200. - My hair is grey now. I tend to dye it before I'm set to perform a bunch of school shows; I like to look as young as possible for them. But buggabugga has taken school shows from me and I can't afford hair dye right now anyway. The people I know tell me I look better with grey, that I should embr...
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July 30: Bonds

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 Well gee willackers, guess what I'm going to write about? Yeah so I'm totally chuffed about the new James Bond movie, set to open - finally, at last - sometime in October. Buggabugga has delayed the world premiere at least twice (I think) and I hope stupid human beings won't let it get delayed again. The way I see it, there are probably 10 more Bond movies that I can squeeze into my life so Eon Production better kick out No Time to Die PDQ so it can decide how it wants to reboot the franchise again. And I love how people say that Daniel Craig rebooted the Bond universe. Everytime a new actor is cast, the Bond universe gets a reboot. When Roger Moore started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as a British farce. When Timothy Dalton started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as brooding Shakespearean plaything. When Pierce Brosnan started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as a hypersexual pantheon of product placement. Now Craig gives us thi...
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July 29: Grief is weightless

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They say that grief is weightless But I have to disagree For when I saw you lying still I felt the weight on me I know in life, there is a race that each of us must run But I believed there was no end to it when I was very young   Now time keeps claiming friends of mine and throws them in the grave and I can love them all I want and wish they could be saved   But nothing, baby, nothing will slow them when they're fast and if I want to visit them I travel to the past   And there we'll raise a drinking glass and toast the joke of life and beg the Norns to drop their threads  and dull their sharpened knives I used to wish to be a god when I was very young and grief was all but weightless when my world was filled with sun
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July 28: Unspoken dreams

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 Oh boy. Another post where I can write about that big dumb novel I want to write one day. No, I don't think I'll do that. People are tired of reading about it and they're tired of hearing me talk about it. What was once a contender's project has turned into a fool's errand. I shouldn't talk about it anymore. No one wants to hear "I'm going to do it" but I hope that one day, they'll be happy to hear me say "I did it." But I think I will take some time to talk about an unspoken dream I've had for a very long time. I've told a few people about it in passing but I never really dwelled on it. It's something I may do one day if I have the resources to to start it up and I think that if I couple it with my magic shows, I could probably get a decent return on investment. The dream is this: One day, I'd like to have a Punch and Judy show. What is a Punch and Judy show? Well, it's the oldest puppet show in history. Punch an...
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July 27: Elephants in green socks

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 There is a funny story about a lady who had never seen an elephant before. There she was, living her elephant-free life, when an elephant escaped from the zoo. Well, as luck would have it, Mr. Elephant trampled into the lady's backyard and decided to have a feast on her flowerbed. The poor old lady saw this and promptly freaked out. She picked up the phone and called the police. "There's a great big grey beast in my flowerbed," she tells the 911 dispatcher. "It's picking flowers up with its TAIL!" "And what is it doing with the flowers?" The dispatcher asked. "You're not going to BELIEVE what it's doing with the flowers." So ha ha ha. - Let's watch one of the most traumatic nightmare-inducing sequences in the entire Disney canon: The Simpsons once joked that Walt Disney had the "evil gene." When I look back at this bit, which seemed so out of place in Dumbo (a movie older than my dad) I tend to agree. Disney mig...
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July 26: Mmm, bananas are so yummy

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 Well, no they're not. They are not yummy. I don't like the way they taste or the way they smell. I don't even like being in the same room as someone who is eating one.  I have no idea why I feel so strongly about this. My mom tells me I used to love bananas. Then, at one point, it was like a switch was thrown. I've hated them ever since. When I buy fruit smoothees at the store, I scan the ingredients to make sure there's no bananas. This is telling. I'm okay with glucose-fructose, but not bananas. - A couple days ago, I mentioned the Canadian children's entertainer, Raffi. Now I want to mention him again. This is because in 1994, he released a song, and an album, called Bananaphone, which looked like this: It is at least the second song of Raffi's career that mentions bananas. The first, of course, is Apples and Bananas. Raffi must have a thing for bananas. "Mmm," says Raffi. "Bananas are yummy." - The Sesame Street characters Bert a...
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July 25: The most over-the-top ridiculous thing I've ever seen

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 Well if I have ever had a note title where I'd want to go back later and change it, this is definitely one of them. About a week from now, I'm sure I will think of something even more outlandish than what I'm about to write about here. I find myself in a more contemplative mood tonight so I'm not going to write a bunch of goofy stuff. I think there's plenty of over-the-top ridiculous things. The outfits that the pope wears during papal ceremonies are over-the-top. So are most of the floats in gay pride parades. But if I had to narrow everything down to one major offender, I would have to nominate the Walt Disney Company. I would have come to this conclusion as early as 1984 when CBS aired a massive 50th birthday celebration for Donald Duck. There were parades, musical numbers, and Dick Clark interacting with the birthday boy himself. It was fun but it was also overkill. I couldn't help but think that the whole thing was stupid. Donald Duck wasn't even real ...
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