July 30: Bonds

 Well gee willackers, guess what I'm going to write about?

Yeah so I'm totally chuffed about the new James Bond movie, set to open - finally, at last - sometime in October. Buggabugga has delayed the world premiere at least twice (I think) and I hope stupid human beings won't let it get delayed again. The way I see it, there are probably 10 more Bond movies that I can squeeze into my life so Eon Production better kick out No Time to Die PDQ so it can decide how it wants to reboot the franchise again.

And I love how people say that Daniel Craig rebooted the Bond universe. Everytime a new actor is cast, the Bond universe gets a reboot. When Roger Moore started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as a British farce. When Timothy Dalton started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as brooding Shakespearean plaything. When Pierce Brosnan started playing James Bond, the universe was rebooted as a hypersexual pantheon of product placement. Now Craig gives us this weeping bleeding Bond ala Dark Knight styelization.

The other day, I read an article that said at the end of No Time to Die, we will see the familiar words "James Bond will return." I was ecstatic to hear that even though Daniel Craig will not be playing 007 again. I hope that for the next actor, the producers go with someone real young, like 25 or so. I want to see a James Bond origin story. Casino Royale, for all of its merits, failed to show Bond as an outright rookie. He was already in his late 30s by the time he made it and, a scant two movies later, he was already being shown as a washed up agent who was probably better off retiring.

No, I want a young James Bond. Do his origin story and then start remaking the old canon. I want to see a new Live and Let Die and Moonraker and Diamonds are Forever and From Russia with Love and Dr. No and Goldfinger and On Her Majesty's Secret Service and (especially) the Man with the Golden Gun. I keep telling anyone who will listen that the novel version of Golden Gun is a taut thriller where a mentally exhausted Bond is sent on a suicide mission to take down one of the world's most coldhearted assassins. The movie is a cheap sci-fi affair that rips off 70s Martial Arts flicks.

God willing, I will watch No Time to Die on opening night at an IMAX theatre in Ottawa. Before I go, I hope to treat myself to a nice meal (Ethiopian, or maybe sushi) and then relax for a couple hours watching the best escapist fare to ever hit the silver screen.

Shaken and stirred indeed.


 

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