July 3: Haunted Lakes

In Alix, Alberta there is the Haunted Lakes Golf Course. Some advertising copy for said course says that there is plenty to do on Haunted Lake like swim or canoe or kayak. I dunno... I think if a lake was haunted, the last thing I'd want to do is go swimming in it. I'd be out there skinny dipping and a ghost would grab my ankle and drag me under. yeah, no fun.

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Here then is the legend of Haunted Lake. A long time ago, in the winter, seven Indian braves were camping on the lake shore and they saw a deer out on the lake, stuck in the ice. So the seven brave young lads ventured out there to free the beast. Well the beast got free and the seven braves fell through the ice and drowned there. Legend has it that their spirits still haunt the lake.

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Metaphysically, I'm not sure how a haunting works. I used to be employed at a hotel where, allegedly, some janitor had hanged himself in the basement about 60 years earlier. Legend was that he still haunted the basement, where the hotel's laundry room was located. One of the chambermaids claimed she saw him there once while she was loading soiled bedsheets into the industrial washer.

Apparently. Mr. Ghost is bound to the basement. He's not allowed to go upstairs so he can watch the basketball game in the Bamboo Lounge or listen to some truly atrocious singing in the karaoke bar.* No, the Department of Ghosts has laid out a geographic boundary that ghosts are not allowed to transverse. 

So what happens if the building burns down or gets renovated or there's earthquake? Is the ghost freed or is he just destined to haunt a patch of land for the rest of eternity? If it's the former, it's probably better to die in a building than to die in a lake. Lakes last longer than buildings.

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My brother, who gave me this title, has most assuredly heard of the Haunted Lakes Golf Course. This is because he lives in Alberta and he loves golf so much that he's building a career as a golf IT expert. As such, he is likely aware of all the old courses that dot his home province. 

I used to live near Alix. I visited it several times while working as a reporter for the Stettler Independent. I think there was a zoo in Alix even though Google gives me nothing. I have never been to Haunted Lakes but I know I have been to a zoo in Alix. Here is proof:

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Get this: There really is a Haunted Lake in New Hampshire. I read about it in Men's Journal, which concerns itself with things of this nature. Everyone knows that Women's Journal deals with more trivial matter like casserole recipes, how to put on makeup, and who makes the best dishwasher.**

According to folklore - also known as the all-time undisputed champion of reliable facts - a massive forest fire swept through the area centuries ago, burning up everything in its path (forest fires are in the habit of doing this.) Since fire doesn't burn water***, the forest fire had no choice but to stop burning once it reached the rim of Haunted Lake. But by then, the damage had been done. When most of us think of lakes, we think of something tranquil. Saphire blue water, waves gently lapping the shore, a beach with trees and maybe a few cabins. Not so at Haunted Lake. Nothing but a bunch of black and charred trees. Not the kind of place I'd want to go on vacation.

And then there's Lake Lanier in Georgia. This is a manmade lake that was built more than half a century ago. In order to make it, more than a hundred cemeteries had to be dug up and the bodies relocated. I guess construction crews don't watch a whole lot of horror movies. If they did, they'd know that only bad things can happen when you do things like that.

So yeah, Lake Lanier is cursed. In 1958, Susie Roberts and Delia Mae Parker Young had been driving home when they missed a bridge and their car plunged into the murky water. A year layer, Delia's body floated to the surface. She was still wearing the blue dress she'd been wearing the night she met her fate, but both her hands were missing as were two of the toes on one of her feet. Legend has it that her ghost still haunts that bridge, where she spends eternity looking for her hands. (I don't blame her. I hear those things come in handy.)

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The image at the top of this note was taken exactly 100 km west of Calgary. I have no idea what the lake is called so I call it Picnic Table Island Lake. That is because in the middle of the lake there is an island and on the island is a picnic table. It is the best name for a lake ever.

The lake is haunted. It is not haunted by a ghost. It is haunted by a big factory that is just off frame of the picture above. The factory belches smoke into the air. Despite this travesty, the lake is still beautiful. If you look away from the factory, you are faced with the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. This is a good metaphor for life. You can't really control where you are on your journey but you can darn well control where you want to place your focus.

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* The singing really was atrocious in that karaoke bar, which was located directly below room 214. I know this because, on the infrequent occasions when I had to sleep at the hotel - when I worked a late night shift and then had do a morning shift the next day - the night manager always stuck me in room 214. Why?Because he hated me. I can tell you, from experience, that the world's worst lullaby is My Way sung by drunk 50-year-olds.   

** Whirlpool.

*** Unless the prophet Elijah is present.