Dec. 31: Glass of port

 When I googled Glass of Port, here is what I got: "Port glasses traditionally hold a smaller amount of liquid than wine glasses, because Port has a much richer flavour and a higher percentage of alcohol. Port is normally between 19% and 22% compared to wine which is normally between 12% and 14%."

This tells me that I would get drunk after drinking one teaspoon full of port.

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I haven't taken a drink in nearly 10 years. I used to be a social drinker. Sometimes you could find me drinking a Black Stripe beer while watching the hockey game at Sue Magoos, a local watering hole that burned down one night while I was in Quebec. Later, I developed a taste for cognac. Since I rarely drink and am of small stature, I never drove if I had taken even one shot. 

But I have since sworn off booze and I know I will never touch it again. I guess that means I don't have much to say about Port.

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But maybe I have something to say about mead. Isn't it cool that you can make an alcoholic beverage from honey? What kind of strange alchemy is that?

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Look, I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch because some people drink. Heck, I'm kind of glad they do. The alcohol industry provide employment for thousands of people. I don't judge people for drinking but I might judge them if they get really drunk and then start yelling on an airplane at three in the morning while everyone else is trying to get some sleep. This happened once. I was sitting right in front of the drunk person. I yelled at him and told him to shut up. Someone applauded me.

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There was a time when, most nights at dinner, my dad would pour himself a glass of beer. I would watch the foam rise to the top and then settle down again. I like it when I am doing a magic show and I see someone drinking a beer because then I get to use one of my favourite jokes, which is this:

Why does beer go through you so fast?

Because it doesn't have to change colours.

I am going to stop right now because I am immature enough to think it's really funny that the last thing I am talking about in the very last note-a-day is pee.


 

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